Immanuel, Immanuel, Immanuel.....Wonderful counselor, Lord of life - Lord of all, He's the Prince of Peace, Mighty God, Holy One........Immanuel. This was always one of our family's favorite songs by Amy Grant and I must say, I've done alot of thinking on what to write about this holiday season.  Christmas is a hard holiday for anyone that has lost someone and even though this is the 5th Christmas without our Em, it doesn't get easier.  Our life has become so different and we continue to try and find our way and the holidays are always excruciating and painful. I was often reminded this year of the word Immanuel. I would often hear it in a song, or it would pop into my thoughts and I began to reflect on what it meant.  Scripture says in Matthew 21 & 23 (as they are talking about the prophesies being fulfilled), vs.21 says..... "She will give birth to a son and you are to give him the name Jesus because he will save his people from their sins".  And verse 23 says "The virgin will be with child and will give birth to a son and they will call him Immanuel - which means God is with us."

As I thought about the word "Immanuel", I was reflecting on our Townsend family (Jeff's mom's side)and how much loss we've endured in a short amount of time and how God truly must have been with us even despite our feelings of loneliness, despair, depression and questioning.  I've been reflecting on how things use to be and how they now are. It is amazing the losses that we have suffered and the heartache we continue to have.  There use to be so many of us holding hands and singing "Silent Night" in the candle light before the Christmas Eve meal.  Grandpa Townsend would always say the prayer and praise God for the new additions to a blessed family.  An hour or so later he would dress as Santa Claus as all those wee ones would listen to the Grinch story while they intently listened for those sleigh bells.  And sure enough Santa would appear and there would be endless smiles and laughter erupting.  And so it was Christmas!

In 1997, Grandpa passed and the patriarch of the family would be spending that Christmas with the King whom he loved and served for years.  And Christmas would never be the same but we all tried to adjust.  His son-in-laws would now step in and cook the meal and find themselves trying to be the Santa that he once was.  The next year, in 1998, our table would be short another member as cousin Lucas Steward was killed in a car accident at the age of 16.  Again in 2002, tragedy would strike and another precious member in our family would be spending Christmas in Heaven when Uncle Jeff Steward would join his son.  Then in 2003, unexpectedly we lost the great Tate Mix (Sar and Em's grandpa Terry) and found ourselves with another open seat at the table.  You guessed it, 2 years later in 2005 we would all struggle through another tearful rendition of Silent Night as we held each others hands a little tighter and grieved once again for the loss of our Emily Jo.

I share all this to say that the human condition is so fragile yet it has come to me so vividly this particular year that the loss that people experience is something quite incredible.  And what is more amazing is that we somehow survive.  I thought about the word "Immanuel" and how it means God is with us.  I can honestly say that there have been times that we don't FEEL that God is with us.  We FEEL it to the contrary!  Many times we feel so incredibly alone and forgotten.  Jesus was a real man, who came and died for our us so that we who believe may have everlasting life and His word says that He would never leave or forsake us yet we often feel that we are and He has.  So what about the other name given to Him....the name Immanuel and the meaning of that name that says "God is with us"? For many of us that have experienced great pain thus far in our lives, it is a promise we can't live without. Literally!   And the reality of that name is true whether we feel it or not.  When you get down to the nitty-gritty, He MUST be with us! Many times I think the Lord had to have breathed for us because our family didn't have the strength. How can we have survived without His hand keeping us up when otherwise we would drown in our tears.  And who but Immanuel could keep a heart beating when it is so broken and tired?  There is no other way to explain the survival and perseverance of woundedness than to believe in the name of Immanuel.

John 15:5 says "I am the vine; you are the branches.  If a man remains in Me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from Me you can do nothing". How true of a statement is that?  Apart from Him we can do nothing!  And for us that have buried a child, lost a mother to death or mental illness, or spouse to cancer or accident or had hardships to numerous to count, I ask you to remain in Him and He in you until He can restore you and make you strong. (1 Peter 5:10)  If not in this life then in Heaven for sure!  John 15 goes on to say (and this is Jesus talking by the way).... "This is My Father's Glory that you bear much fruit showing yourselves to be My disciples". And for those of us who call ourselves His followers, we know we must go on and hopefully He will help us bear fruit along the way.  Christ is helping us to do just that and our loved ones who are with Him want that for us and so we try.  One ever slow step at a time.  Counting on Him and understanding that He is truly with us.  Our Immanuel!!

And in closing, I'd like to share that Uncle Jeff Steward's son, Matthew, is going to take over the cooking of the holiday meal like his dad loved to do for many years.  And Jeff (Sar/Em's dad/my husband) will be the new Santa Claus taking over Grandpa Townsend's role so that our precious grandson Rydik and the other beloved descendants of Frank and Wilma Townsend will find joy and memories for years to come. It's taken many years and lots of finding our way through each loss; lots of different Santa's and menu's too.  It hasn't been easy for any of us......far, far from it......but we are relying on our Savior this CHRISTmas holiday and each and every other day that we are given.

Merry CHRISTMAS from our family to yours,

The Duits and Wrubel families,

Jeff and Selena Duits, and Em too.
Adam, Sarah and Rydik Wrubel