This time of year use to be one of most favorite times.  Leaves are changing, sunshiny days with a breeze that gently dries the remaining flowers, apple orchard visits and football games.  It was a day much like today that I vividly remEMber Em leaving the parking lot of the school whole and intact.  And then within hours, our lives as we knew them would be forever changed and forever marred.  There is still beauty in this time of year but it is not without sorrow and bittersweet memories.  Even as I write, our grandson is at the apple orchard with his mommy and daddy and so it is, life goes on.

Life is a crazy thing to say the least and what I find to be more crucial than ever is the concept of time.   Since our last Homecoming message, we've seen more tragedy and the "what is the world is going on?" feelings as we've found ourselves trying to comfort those that hurt.  We've had moments of great joy when we witnessed deep love between two people when Sarah and Adam were married.  With all events, painful and happy, we never seem to have enough of that precious commodity......TIME.  We find ourselves most content when enough time is spent to comfort those that are hurting and when life can slow down to give proper attention that is so needed for such a long time when a loss has occurred.  The same is true for joyous times where it would be best if everything could just slow down as to take in all the fun and beauty that can occur in life.  It was that way with Sar and Adam's wedding. We wished that time would allow for us to have an all-day wedding and 3 days of reception to allow us the time to really enjoy the celebrations of life and visit endlessly with those that came.

It's hard to imagine that 4 years of time have passed since our Em went to be with Jesus.  But then in other ways, it's as though time has stood still and she is still that confident, fun-loving, friend/sister/daughter/volleyball player/curly-qued cutie pie that brought so much into all of those that knew and loved her and that it really can't be true that she's gone from this life and our lives. Time has not diminished the sound of her voice that plays constantly in my mind or the mannerisms that I remember so vividly.  I miss so badly having her bounce into the house and say "Hey mama, what's up?"  I'm happy to have those mEMories because it's a part of her that remains. Time has allowed us to be happy and able to attend and watch Em's FarOut teammates play at the college level instead of it being too painful because of our own loss in that never becoming a reality for us. Time has flown in regards to Em's ballgirls as they are now as old as she was when we lost her.  They have grown to be Juniors themselves and beautiful young women......no longer little girls. Time has allowed for each day to be met with the promise of having a better day and the dread of facing each day is no longer as crushing.  Time has allowed us to get better, ever so slowly, with the deep grief and we are getting use to the empty nest which was almost as devastating as the grief itself.  The two together were crippling. Having a precious grandson has aided significantly in that.  He is such a joy and his parents are remarkable!Time away from the work force has allowed for more insight to what is truly important in life and more time to nurture those that hurt as badly as us and those that need help along the way. For this, there can be no monetary value. The gift of our time is priceless with rewards beyond measure.

Time hasn't really aided in trying to comprehend that any parents worst nightmare has occurred and it really happened to US.  Time hasn't healed the deep and constant ache and loneliness we feel without her.  It hasn't healed the dread and sick feelings we have whenever we hear an ambulance or helicopter or the sight or sounds we experienced that awful week in the hospital 4 years ago.  All of that remains like an open wound!!  It became very apparent even last week.  Time hasn't allowed for us to make sense of this at all or has it diminished the awful thoughts that play in our minds at random times.  You really never escape them. The loss is just too huge for our minds to comprehend therefore the grief comes out in the form of nightmares.

I would hope that those who take the TIME to read this would view your time as a gift.  The time you spend with people you love or the time you take to let others know you care is more meaningful than you realize. The legacy you leave will never be about what you had but what you had given and how you made others feel.  The gift of time is what matters. The time you get to be here is a gift but not worth as much as the gift of eternal life you will receive one day in Heaven.  Your time there never ends! The time you spend seeking the Lord is never a waste.  Even if you are disappointed or just plain ticked-off with Him. He spends plenty of time seeking to know you and being there for you even in your darkest hour, He is there.  And the time we will spend with Him and those we love in Heaven one day will be worth it all!

Finally, Thanks to all of you for your TIME and for spending part of your life with Em.  Thank you for taking the time to come to Em's tournaments and how it makes us feel every year. Thank you for taking the time to come to Em's visitation and funeral even 4 years ago and the comfort we felt by you taking the time to be there. Thank you for taking the time to visit Em's website and signing her guest book here.  And lastly, Thank you for taking the time to continually pray for our family and for caring about us.

Our love to you all,
The Duits Family