On this 2nd anniversary of Em's Homecoming, we have some thoughts to share.  Some of our closest friends ask "How are you guys "really" doing?  and others want to know but just don't ask.  So to those inquiring minds that want to know, we'd say there is not one simple answer that encompasses all that we feel. Questions still after all this time like "did this really, really happen?" come to mind as we try to come to terms with our life here without Em, but then our hearts tell us "Yep....it really, really, happened and it really, really sux (a word we never liked the kids to use, but that word seems to fit a situation like this) and man, does it hurt like nothing you can possibly imagine."  

   There has been many wars but the one thing we haven't battled is bitterness or anger with God.  He has been all that He has promised to be!!  He has put people in our lives that help to shoulder our sorrow and pray for us without ceasing. Most of the time we ourselves didn't have the strength to pray.  And what actually do you say....words simply weren't sufficient at times like these. But the God who created us knows actually that and knows us intimately and "gets it" (Romans 8:26).  We have felt His love for us and have an unexplainable sense that there is so much more to our situation than we can possibly know and we are to just be!  Be patient, be faithful, and be hopeful.  This is not to suggest that we are fine with the workings that we can not see or the disrespect, despair and hurt that is hurled our way.  It is frustrating, exhausting, and excruciating, but who are we to see things that are only known to God and those already in Heaven?

   We must continue to believe in God's goodness and sovereignty and postpone our questions until we see Him face to face or we will slide that slippery slope into bitterness and anger for our suffering.  There are no alternatives.  It all comes back to the absolute necessity of faith.....a constant deep faith in Christ and His word.  All that we've learned over our many years at church, Sunday school, constantly reading the scriptures for direction in life, the reading of Christian books and listening to Christian radio has sustained us for this "slam" or what Dr. Jim Dobson calls our season of hell. (and no one is protected from it.)  Most people will suffer their own season of hell at some point in their life because we live in a imperfect world.  Without our foundation, we simply couldn't have survived this one.  And even with it, we still sometimes feel like we could go under, but then the Lord upholds us once again and so we press on.

   We hope this doesn't give the feel that "Oh, our Em is in Heaven now and ya know all things work together for good so we'll just go on with life."  Our head knows all that but our heart has a hard time comprehending and living it out.  Or the "Em's an angel now.  You must be happy about that."  Those kind, well meaning words don't begin to comfort the depth of our pain because many days are like a battlefield as we ache and miss everything about Em and how our lives use to be and how our family was.  We tire easily from the strength it takes to face our new life knowing that we must, not only for our own sake, but for those here that we love so much.  Finding a new normal is difficult to say the least but we are learning!  Just like one of Em's favorite songs...it goes "step by step you lead me and I will follow you all of my days" and you can't forget the old hymn..."morning by morning new mercies I see, all I have needed your hand hath provided", and God continues to lead and provide and gives us glimpses of new joys and opportunities (like a possible business venture and a new baby). And so we buck up and look ahead, not just to the assurance of Heaven, but to what lies ahead for us here on Earth.  Em would want that for us.